Seas of Crimson
by LunaShepard
Summary: This is the story of how a young Luna Cousland, overcame her fears, doubts and heartaches after watching the Highever fall into the hands of Arl Howe. How would she cope and move on to the destiny that awaits her? Soon she will see how brave she can be. Early chapters are Pre-Ostagar and flashbacks.
1. Chapter 1: Fire at the Heart

Good day, everyone! xx

This story has been floating around my mind for a few months now so I decided to write it. It will be based on my beloved F!Cousland, Luna. Lots of canon but I do hope you enjoy it. First time uploading any of my writing so there will be a few mistakes here and there. Thank you for reaaaaading. :)

_**Bioware &amp; EA owns everything and they are awesome.**_

**CHAPTER ONE : Fire at the Heart**

She didn't exactly know how she was breathing at that moment. The taste of blood was on her lips, her cheeks were tear stained and her arms full of scratches. Voices floated in and out the small flap of the cart.

_"…__.hasn't eaten since yesterday…. hot soup with sleeping draught?…"_

Duncan's voice was somewhere overhead, and when she looked up she could see their silhouettes, with the setting sky glowing on their shields. He was setting up a lamp as the other was leading the horse.

_I'm in a cart with Barne my Mabari, _she reminded herself, _and that is Duncan, Warden-Commander, and… a red haired soldier._ He'd had carried her when she started shaking she could barely walk, probably a mile or two from the larder passage. Duncan wrapped her with a blanket and placed her inside the cart that was supposed to be full of Grey Warden recruits but then,

_Mother. Father… _

The choking feeling welled up inside of her, drowning her in the emotions she didn't know existed until now. Before she could curl up into a ball again, she felt the cart slow down and go into a complete stop. Armour started clanking about and she heard crunching of grass beneath heavy feet. Even Barne got up with curious ears.

"Lady Cousland?" it was the soldier. She looked at him and saw his flaming red hair. _Just like Gilmore's. _"We're setting up camp and..er… I'm assigned to cook tonight so if I may, I would like for you to join us." She didn't want to eat. Ever. If she could starve, then maybe she'd die and join her parents with the Maker. _Now you're not making any sense, _she thought. For a moment, she hesitated but then her stomach protested and gave a low grumble.

"…Okay." she said silently and got up, with the blanket still around her. Her feet felt stiff and sore from not moving that she stumbled out of the cart. The soldier was there in time to catch her.

"Easy now." he whispered as she bumped onto his chest. She mumbled an apology and they started their way to where Duncan was starting a small camp fire. Barne was a few yards away patrolling the area and she whistled for him. His ears shot up and he slowly walked back to where they were. Duncan was setting up a small pot above the fire and when he saw them approach, got up and gave a sigh of relief.

"Lady Cousland." he said and gave her a small bow.

"Luna will suffice, Ser Duncan." she sat down on one of the cots laid near the fire as Barne snuggled on her thigh. "I apologize for this but," she looked up at the face with the flaming red hair, "What is your name?" A hint of a blush sprawled his freckled cheeks but quickly huffed his chest.

"I am Ser Lucas, member of the King's army, my lady. It is quite understandable, given the events that occurred, that we weren't introduced properly." he said with a small bow.

"Well met, Ser Lucas." she tried to still have her courtesies despite of… what happened.

"Ser Lucas has aided me since the departure from Ostagar, your ladyship. I would not have saved you if it weren't for his keen eye." said Duncan as he sat back down and chopped some potatoes.

"Honestly, Ser Duncan, it was sheer chance. Lady… Luna is not difficult to spot amidst all the…" he cleared his throat, stopped himself and Luna was thankful for it. "Ser Duncan, please allow me to prepare tonight's meal. You cooked for two nights now, if I remember correctly." He sat down as Duncan passed the rest of the ingredients to him. Luna watched as Lucas chopped and dropped everything in a pot, bubbling above the fire. Duncan sat next to her and unsheathed his dagger and started working it on a whetstone.

"How are you feeling, my lady?" he asked with his eyes still fixed on his dagger though the sincerity was transparent in his voice.

"I weep, Ser Duncan." she simply said with a sigh. Barne whimpered as he detected the sadness in her words.

"To die is gain, my lady, for they are now with the Maker."

Lucas ladled the stew onto three small wooden bowls, broke some bread equally and sliced a few pieces of hard cheese. He threw a large bone towards Barne who happily chewed away.

"Shall we say grace?" asked Lucas and Duncan urged him on, Luna watched as he closed his eyes and said,

_"__My hearth is yours, my bread is yours, my life is yours. For all who walk in the sight of the Maker are one. For you are the fire at the heart of the world and comfort is only Yours to give."_ He clapped his hands and gave them their part of the food. She stared curiously at him, secretly impressed. As Luna was about to eat, Duncan stopped her and showed her a vial.

"My lady, this is a sleeping draught. If you wish, we can pour some in your soup so you may dream.. peacefully tonight." she looked at him and then the vial.

"Alright, though I am concerned it will ruin the stew." Duncan gave her a reassuring smile,

"Do not worry for it is tasteless, my lady." and he poured a small amount onto her bowl, "Please, do continue." They all ate in silence and all Luna could hear was the rustling of the trees around them. The grass crunched beneath her and the sky was now a dark blanket of stars. It gave her comfort that the stars blazed brightly even when everything else is amiss. When they have finished, Duncan gathered the utensils and washed them at the stream nearby. Luna sat up and realized she still had dried blood caked in her hair and fingernails, and even some smeared above her brow. She held back a gag at the thought of it being someone else's.

"Ser Lucas?"

"Yes, my lady?"

"Do you happen to have a bar of soap and a towel? I would like to bathe." he stopped untying the cots and his ears began to redden. _Just like Gilmore's. _

"Ah… Y-Yes, my lady. Of course." he rummaged through his rucksack and handed her the needed toiletries without meeting her eyes. Luna thanked him and waited for Duncan to finish up in the stream. When he saw what she was carrying, he offered to guard her from a decent distance.

"I am fine, Ser Duncan, really. Barne is here" and so the Mabari wagged his tail as he dashed towards the stream.

By the time she was done, Duncan was still up, now sharpening his sword, and on first watch. Lucas was tucked in his cot and a lamp near his head as he read a small book . Luna and Barne sat down to the cot next to Duncan.

"It is best if you rest now, my lady. We have yet a full day before we can sleep in an inn." he said as she scratched Barne's ear. There was good stretch of silence as Duncan did his work with his sword and Luna lulled Barne to sleep. She felt Lucas shift and kill the light.

"Is he from the Chantry?" she asked, referring to Lucas.

"He was an orphan and was raised in the Chantry. He joined the army in hopes of spreading the Grace and Mercy of the Maker. Why do you ask, my lady?"

"Curiousity. He," she paused trying to get the right words out, "He reminds me of someone."

"I see." and with that she knew that Duncan knew who she was referring to. Luna sighed and lied down the cot, and stared up at the night sky.

"I read somewhere that our bodies are made up of stardust. That with each falling star, a person is born. They said stars gave birth to us, died to save us." she started, "But I don't believe that. I've never believed that." she felt him staring at her, felt his eyes shift to the skies.

"Then what do you believe in, my lady?" she paused for a moment.

_"__For you are the fire at the heart of the world and comfort is only Yours to give." _and then, a streak of light crossed the skies.


	2. Chapter 2: Embrace the Light

If you're here at Chapter 2 then I really do love you. I like writing this story and getting in-depth to what F!Cousland felt after the Betrayal of Howe. More flashbacks and I promise more detail of her relationship with Ser Gilmore on the next chapters. (Only fluff, I assure you. I know naught of writing smut to be able to write a scene without laughing.) Anyways, enjoy reading! :) 3

_**BIOWARE &amp; EA OWNS ALL EXCEPT FOR OCs AND SUCH. Thank you, Mary Kirby, for writing the Chant of Light. :) **_

**CHAPTER TWO: Embrace the Light, Weather the Storm**

"..9..10! You two better be hiding, and fast!" She was ten and her hair was a strawberry blonde mess. Her braids strewn across the curls with daisies at random places. The sun was bright and the clouds above her formed the most beautiful shapes. It was almost summer in Highever and the castle grounds were as green and alive as ever. Butterflies collected pollen from the vast array of flowers near the small lake. Small frogs padded around the cool water and a few feet from it was the widest and oldest cherry tree on the whole land of Highever and there, she spotted an oddly placed streak of red.

"Ha! Caught you." Luna whispered as she darted toward the tree with all the energy her tiny body can muster but when she was a good two feet from it, she saw how the red streak was.. a ribbon?! She gasped in surprise and in seeing her reaction, stifled giggles joined the chirping of the birds. Fergus and Gilmore were sitting on a branch and held their hands to their mouths. "It's supposed to be _hide_ and go seek, bwother, not laugh and get caught!" her arms were on her hip, mimicking what she saw from her mother when she'd caught them sneaking pudding from the kitchens.

"You should've seen your face, Loo!" Fergus was laughing so hard now, he had tears in his eyes. He was twelve and was a bit on the chubby side. The boy next to him, however, was just her age and scrawny.

"I apologize my little lady, but lord Fergus is right! It was worth getting caught!" and both of them lost it. She puffed up her cheeks and stomped her foot, just like any other ten year old would. Then the three of them froze as they heard footsteps on cobblestone. _Nan._ she thought with a horrified expression.

"Don't worry, little pup, it's only me." a sigh of relief escaped their lips as they saw the figure of Teryn Bryce Cousland. The two boys slowly climbed down the tree while Luna ran towards her father.

"Father, father, father we were playing hide and go seek they tricked me but I swear I almost had them." said the little girl in one breath as she snuggled in her father's arm. The teryn heartily laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her flushed cheeks. His eyes darted to the red cloth pinned to the tree, then to the two boys.

"Father! Did you see? Gilmore and I used that diversion tactic you taught us yesterday!" Fergus excitedly ran towards his father to explain how they did it.

"Ah, now I wondered where your mother's Orlesian scarf went to." he muttered but the two young Couslands didn't catch what he said while their own narrations of what happened filled the air.

"T-T-Teryn Cousland! I a-apologize for l-leaving the study, I—" Gilmore started but the teryn held up his hand to stop the tree of them from talking

"Now now, aren't you all supposed to be with Aldous? Or did he fall asleep again?" the three children giggled their replies. The teryn brought Luna down to her feet and squatted down to meet their eyes.

"Very well."His expression changed from loving father to teryn and the children quickly went silent, "I know listening to Aldous is not as exciting as to say, practicing your sword work but it is equally as important. Especially to young lords and ladies, including young knights-to-be," he looked at them one by one. He straightened up and tousled his hair and Luna swore she saw a hint of a smile before he said, "I will let this slide but the next time I catch you here instead of being in the study, I will have to tell Nan." and with that the protests came.

"…..But Father." she awoke, holding back a sob. It was still dark but the smell of dew in the grass told her dawn was about to break. There were no cherry trees, no lakes, _no more Highever. _She breathed in, forced her eyes shut. _No more Aldous, puddings or sword work. _She fluttered them open and breathed out. _No more scruffy Father, lectures and braids from Mother, teasing from Fergus. _She sat up to her elbows and looked up at the sky. _No more stuttering Gilmore, no more brushing of hands or sneaked kisses. _

Luna didn't fall back asleep after that. Watching the dark sky slowly get tinges of light brought her comfort. _Comfort is only Yours to give._ This became her little chant, her prayer for when the sadness became too much. Duncan had the last watch and began loading the cart before dawn fully approached. She waited before standing up and stretching with Barne at her side, doing the same. Lucas stirred in his cot and before you know it, Barne started licking the side of his face.

"G'morning." he sleepily said as he scratched the back of Barne's ear. His hair was a mess and the way he tousled it didn't really help. Luna watched as he got up and went straight to the stream. Duncan caught her trailing after Lucas' figure and cleared his throat. Luna's body froze and started clearing out the cots, hiding her embarrassment from being caught. When he returned, the camp was cleared up and Luna was in her armor and her hair braided at the nape of her neck. There was a silent greeting between them as they started to head out.

"Shall I say a prayer for today's travel?" Lucas asked the group and gave him a silent nod. He again, slowly closed his eyes and opened his palms mid-air.

"_Maker, my enemies are abundant. Many are those who rise up against me. But my faith sustains me; I shall not fear the legion, should they set themselves against me. Maker, though the darkness comes upon me, I shall embrace the light. I shall weather the storm. I shall endure. What you have created, no one can tear asunder. Though stung with a hundred arrows, though suffering from ailments both great and small, His Heart was strong, and he moved on." _He finished but as he was about to let out a breath of finality, Luna shifted her footing and said,

"_For you are the fire at the heart of the world and comfort is only Yours to give." _Lucas smiled and Duncan gave an approving smile. She sat on the cart, near the flap where the two where at. There was a small nook there where she can see the horizon. The sky was a beautiful mixture of purples, blues and pinks. Luna sighed and whistled for Barne. It has been a week since the attack but somehow, hearing those prayers lifted something from her heart and planted something. It was as if finally there was a calm, small it may be, but it was still there. _And hope. _she thought. _Hope was a spark yet sparks can become forest fires. _


	3. Chapter 3: Dawn's First Light

Hello to you, lovely person. :) I apologize if it took a bit of time for this chapter to be written and published but I didn't exactly know how to start it, honestly. I wanted this chapter (and other chapters) to be in Luna's POV so as for you, the reader, to see how she deals with her growing depression and loss of her family and loved ones. I have battled depression and anxiety so in some way, this is my story or it could be yours. *group hug*

Comments, reactions and suggestions are always welcome.

**_BIOWARE AND EA OWNS EVERYTHING and I just bought whole wheat flour and some sesame seeds so, yeah. _**

**CHAPTER THREE: Dawn's First Light**

"Your ladyship?" I stared at my supper; a bowl of stewed beef when he called. Lucas was sitting next to me, a cup of cider on his hand. "Are you not hungry? You've been playing with your peas for quite a time." He had a quizzical look on his face and surveyed my face, then my eyes. He stared for a while and it unnerved me how much he reminded me of him. I had get far from him.

"I've actually just lost my appetite, may I be excused?" I set my fork down and motioned to stand up but Ser Lucas brushed a gentle hand on my arm.

"Please, my lady, you haven't eaten all day. You've only eaten on—" I quickly withdraw from his touch and look at him with a burning rage. It was an unknown emotion, one I'm not used to feeling, thus not able to handle with much grace.

"I'd advice you to not repeat that again if you want your hand attached to your arm by the time we reach Ostagar." I only say this low almost growl like voice, as to sound more braver than I felt. He quickly rose up to honor my leave yet I stormed out the common dining area and up to the chamber I had for the night. A hot bath was being drawn, as per my request. My only request, really. The innkeep was about to draw the last bucket of hot water and into the small wooden tub when I went in. It stood a few feet from where the bed was and a small cloth settled underneath it. The room was small but would do for the night. Plus, it was the only room with the window. I give the innkeep half-hearted smile as she gives me a small bow. As soon as she left, I sigh and undo my armour. I ached in various places, from my temples down to the balls of my feet. My clothes quickly pile on the floor and finally, my bare skin can feel the steam. The hot water scalded my skin but it was what I need right now and I feel my soreness easing. The bar of soap was plain but is doing the job of ridding my hair and skin the grime and dirt the travel supplied me. It felt good, and for a moment I have time to relax and clear my mind. I settled my head at the nook of the tub and closed my eyes. I should probably apologize to Ser Lucas first thing in the morning. He was only concerned and yet I unreasonably lashed out. Even if he resembles _him_, that doesn't make for a rational reason. He was only trying to help.

Suddenly, a small sob escape my mouth and tears formed at the rim of my eyes, _Maker, please_. Why does it have to be this way? Why does it have to be so difficult? I hold my knees to my chest and cradle them, rocking back and forth. _I thought…it'd be easier._ I didn't know how long I stayed that way, or how long I cried, but somehow sleep found me, in the warmth of that tub.

I am in a big white tub in the open space in my chambers. The floral drapes on my windows shut, allowing only light from the candles. The sun was setting and I just finished the afternoon lessons on melee combat. My armor is in a neat pile near the stool where mother is sitting.

"And I thought I'd raised a woman, not a squirrel!" mother said as she scrubs my muddy arms. I scoff and wince from the friction.

"First of all, _Ow." _that earns me a green eyed glare,"Second of all, the rainy season has come, Mother. A bit of rain wouldn't really stop Ser Digby from teaching archery." the teryna rolls her eyes and sigh. She knew where my passion was and it surely wasn't in writing or crochet or the lute. Mother knew from an early age that I'd quickly exchange those things for a dagger and a sword in a heartbeat. Probably not this soon though, "And third, don't you think I'm a bit too old to be scrubbed down, mum?" The smell of lavender fills my nose mixed with a bit of vanilla.

"The amount of mud and grass in your hair suggest otherwise, darling." mother said to chastise me but I saw how she enjoyed little moments like these. A stretch of silence and mother moved to my hair and then more scrubbing as mother considered her options, "Very well. I would need to speak to Ser Digby of changing locations at least," I gave her a small thankful grin, "But dagger and sword is your specialty, is it not?" The question surprises me and she saw that plain on my face,"Oh please, little duck. I saw the way you handled that long bow and thought, '_Even Aldous can do better than that!'"_ I look at her with a _really, mother? _expression. My mother, on the other hand, laughs heartily as she tucks a loose strand of her beautiful ash brown hair that had a few silver strands. She claps her hands, stood up and rinsed off the suds from her hands. They moved from scrubbing her to drying her off and brushing her hair.

"Ah, darling. It pains me to see how you have grown much too fast." My mother sighs but I let her have her moment as I cover myself with a robe.

"I love you, mum." I smile at her receive a soft kiss on the top of her head that I jokingly try to swat off, "And I am only just fourteen, not twenty and off to marry." I looked in the mirror and see a plain face with a strong jaw like her father. Her brother always teased her how big my eyes were but always envied the green blue eyes, almost like mother's. I didn't have a cute button nose like all the Orlesian girls seem to have but it was a nice nose, nonetheless. My hair is strawberry blonde, like Father's when it wasn't so dominated with gray strands. It was long and required to be set into two tight braids at the nape of my neck. As I surveyed myself in the mirror, I saw mother's expression change and hold_that look_. _That was the look she gave Fergus when he was deeply infatuated with that Antivan girl and prodded him endlessly. I_ gulped.

"Speaking of marriage, darling," she is intent on brushing my hair but I know how she is avoiding eye contact to prevent from laughing, "do you fancy anyone?" _Red hair. Eyes the shade of leaves during spring. Is totally clueless of what I feel for him… _Another pause as I consider my answer.

"If I say yes and tell you who he is, would it matter in the future?" my thumbs were much better to look at than the mirror showing her expression, did I always have that cut there? "Would his rank or family, will it matter?" a long pause and more brushing. I peek a look at her and the expression on her face is unreadable.

"Pray for it, darling," that startles me yet sparked curiosity as well, "Pray to the Maker and ask that He bestows you His wisdom, for marriage is holy in the eyes of the Maker and it does good to pray. Goodness knows how I prayed for the Maker's best for me and now I have your father." she divided my hair in two and started to braid as I listen intently, "Yes, praying for it is the best answer I can give you." She looks up at me and smiles warmly.

"Be careful you don't get burnt by his hair though." How did she know?!

"Mother!"

I awoke with a breath escaping my lips and splash the water around me. It bothers me that the memories I have of mother and father, always has a connection to Gilmore. It irks me, that somehow, I'm not remembering them right since he's always there and not them. _No, _a voice in my head said, _they will always be there and you know that, _a sob and I cover my face with wrinkled hands. I'm not sure how I can do this without them. Without the wise words of my mother or the solutions my father always had. And Fergus. An ache swells into my chest and the sobs are getting worse now. I find my way out the tub, but I trip and as soon as I land on my right arm and on the floorboards, I hear rushed footsteps from outside and a knock on my door.

"Luna? Are you alright? I heard a—" and he sees me on the floor, naked and crying. I didn't look at him and didn't feel the robe cover me or how he carried me to my featherbed and how he cradled me like a child in his arms and said silent prayers as he rocked me. After a while, my breathing steadies and he doesn't care that his shirt is wet or that I am curled into a ball into his chest. He notices my growing calm and looks at me. His eyes are not like Gilmore's. These eyes were a warm golden brown that reminds me of the daisies I used to put in my hair. I look at him and finally, I felt my eyes droop as sleep overcomes me. He eases his hold on me and slowly lift up from the bed but holds the hand I didn't know he held.

"_The deep dark before dawn's first light seems eternal but know that the sun always rises," _he never looks away from me, even when I closed my eyes I can feel him looking at me, "You are strong, my lady." he squeuzes my hand, "For when you are weak, you are strong." and I believed.


End file.
